Elliot Katz, left, a Toronto speechwriter and author, is on a mission to help save marriages.
A divorced father of two daughters who works full time as a policy analyst for the Ontario government, Katz is the author of Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man (Award Press.)
He is the author of other non-fiction books, including Great Country Walks Around Toronto, The Great Toronto Bicycling Guide and The Complete Guide to Walking in Canada.
Katz said that after his divorce, he asked himself what he could learn from the experience.
“I went right to the sources, including the Talmud, and learned that many men are confused about how to behave. Wives are frustrated because their husbands are… too easygoing, and they leave all decision-making to their wives.”
His goal in writing the book, which is now translated into 19 languages, including Spanish, Polish and Hindi, is to teach men that it is “not Jewish to be a nebish.”
The 110-page book is written as a conversation between a grandson and his grandfather on the grandfather’s 50th wedding anniversary. The grandson wants to know how his grandparents’ marriage lasted so long.
His grandfather replies that he had to learn about being a a husband, and in each subsequent chapter, he shares his knowledge with his grandson.
The grandfather said he learned early on that his wife wanted a strong man. “If I wasn’t strong, if I didn’t make decisions, she lost respect for me. The irony is that if you’re just always trying to please her, you don’t please her at all.”
He stresses, however, that being strong is not being controlling. “It’s taking responsibility for what’s going on, taking charge and finding solutions. It’s putting the greater good for your relationship and your family ahead of your own wants. Being controlling is thinking only about what you want and is often a sign of insecurity.”
If you avoid making decisions, the grandfather said that your wife “may feel you’re avoiding responsibilities. Being strong means stepping forward to make decisions in difficult situations and taking responsibility for the outcome.”
Katz has done about 90 radio interviews for stations as far away as Singapore, has appeared on Rogers TV’s Dating 201, a weekly show that profiles Toronto’s dating scene, as well as on Citytv’s Breakfast Television and CHCH-TV news.
He said that although he wrote the book for men, it is women who are buying it. “One radio host started off by saying he doesn’t agree with me and asked for callers. He only had women callers, and they all agreed with the book.”
He stresses that the book is not a money-making venture. “My goal is tikkun olam. I’m on a mission to teach men how to be men.”
