Every day, I receive so many questions it’s hard to give a detailed answer for all of them. For a little change of pace, here is a set of rapid-fire questions and answers from my inbox.
Dear Rabbi Bernath,
Someone offered to introduce me to a guy and we both agreed to go out. I know he was given my number at least three weeks ago, but I haven’t heard from him. How should I handle this?
Awkward
Dear Awkward,
Someone you haven’t met is immaterial to you. You have no relationship yet. The real aggrieved party is the person who put some of their reputation on the line to set you up, and if the guy is standing both of you up, this person needs to know, and they need to deal with it.
Dear Rabbi Bernath,
I went out on a date with someone I met through a dating website. On the date, I felt very uncomfortable with how he looked at me and with some of the comments he made (there were a lot of innuendos). I don’t plan on going out with him again. Do I report him to the site? I don’t want to ruin his chances of meeting someone, but I felt his behaviour was inappropriate.
Uncomfortable
Dear Uncomfortable,
The only thing hurting his chances of meeting someone is his behaviour, and people won’t change unless they get some sort of feedback. Sometimes being “nice” is not being nice at all. Assuming the dating website is more serious than Tinder, stand up for yourself and your fellow females and say something. That will also help him move forward with his life and grow up.
READ: DEAR RABBY: OVERCOMING A FEAR OF COMMITMENT
Dear Rabbi Bernath,
I went on a shidduch date with a girl who was visiting from overseas. I enjoyed meeting her and she seemed nice, but I’m not sure if I want to get into a relationship with someone from another country – it seems like it would be hard to form a relationship. However, I haven’t met anyone locally that I felt a connection with. I’m 50 years old. What advice can you give me?
Uncertain
Dear Uncertain,
This is something you’re supposed to think about before you go out. Anyways, if you’re 50, then you need to decide what’s important in your life. Are you playing the perfectionism game, avoiding a relationship by always finding a fault? It’s a stalling tactic. If your life allows you to move, then make your move. If it doesn’t, then don’t. But if you do, rest assured, many beautiful relationships were built over long distances.
Dear Rabbi Bernath,
I went on what I thought was a nice date. She said she enjoyed it, too. But since then, I’ve been trying to text her, and she hasn’t responded. I must have sent her 15 messages in the last week, but haven’t gotten any response. How do I get her to answer me?
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
You don’t. Fifteen texts… wow. Just stop. People say things to be polite sometimes. Your overeagerness may have caused her to lie in the first place – she didn’t want to burst your bubble in your face. And asking “How do I get her…” tells me you should stop dating and get some social skills training. You clearly don’t understand relationships.
Dear Rabbi Bernath,
I am putting up a profile on an online dating site. Someone told me I need to get formal pictures from a photo shoot. What if the formal pictures don’t represent the real me? Isn’t it better to be
me?
Photoshopped
Dear Photoshopped,
I don’t know what “formal” means here. Like, you’re going to wear a gown? Get a good photographer, wear clothes you like and go somewhere you feel comfortable. Take lots of pictures and find a shot that shows the real you.
Dear Rabbi Bernath,
I have agreed to go out with someone, but I haven’t heard from him yet, and now someone else is looking to set me up with someone else. Should I accept both setups?
Doubled Over
Dear Doubled Over,
Let the first person know that you’re being pursued, so you’d like to know when you’ll hear back. Then let the second person know the situation. One at a time, I say.
