Some come to Judaism for theology, but most come for family, and we can sometimes best learn what it means to be Jewish by learning from the outsider who chooses to join us
Rabbi Yael Splansky
Holy Blossom Temple, Toronto
Rabbi Mark Fishman
Congregation Beth Tikvah, Montreal
Rabbi Fishman: We have just completed the holiday of Shavuot with its focus on receiving the Torah, peoplehood and celebration – not to mention cheesecake.
One of the central themes of this holiday is the topic of conversion. The truth of the matter is we can sometimes best learn what it means to be Jewish by listening to and learning from the outsider.
The biblical character Ruth is precisely this model: a person from the unfriendly nation of Moav who is introduced to Naomi and in the end shows us what it means to accept being a part of our people.
What are some of the themes that conversion evokes for you today, both conceptually as well as practically?
Rabbi Splansky: Consider Ruth’s indelible words: “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn away from you. Wherever you go, I will go. Where you make a home, I will make a home. Your people will be my people. And your God, my God. Where you die, I will die. And there I will be buried” (Ruth 1:16).
It’s noteworthy that home and peoplehood come before God in this sequence. That is still the case today. Some come to Judaism for theology, but most come for family, and God comes later.
It’s like that for most born Jews, too. Family first, and God may or may not be invited to the holiday table.
Rabbi Fishman: It seems to be that we live in a society where longing to be connected to a family is supreme. So many individuals are searching for belonging and the sense of community that being part of something greater than oneself affords.
Yet I would not dismiss the religious appeal – and sometimes it’s primary – for converts. To lead a life of meaning, where our deeds are of infinite value, and to connect with the source of our being can be a supreme motivator for those who come into our religion.
Rabbi Splansky: Those who marry into a Jewish family have a lot to say about the influence of the mother-in-law – the very good, the bad and the ugly. Ruth and Naomi’s relationship is very special, but not unique. Parents have a critical role to play in drawing would-be converts closer to Judaism.
Last year, I hosted a three-part series entitled, “My Child has Fallen in Love with a Non-Jew. Now what?” I was only the facilitator. My congregants drew insight and hope from one another. They shared successes and failures in how to foster healthy relationships.
Just as Naomi before them, they considered the importance of timing – when to lead, when to follow and how to build trust.
Rabbi Fishman: I have seen families who have literally fallen apart at the realization that their child will be marrying a convert. Parents’ fears and worries are very real, and the extra dimension of the unknown that a convert adds to such hesitations can be destabilizing.
At the same time, I have also seen success stories. On more than one occasion I have seen the spouse – and indeed his or her entire family – embrace a Judaism that they were estranged from. Upon the introduction of the convert, their sense of fresh eyes and exuberance with which they themselves embrace their new heritage has led to the Jewish renaissance of the whole family.
Rabbi Splansky: I wonder if historians have any way to verify my hunch that more people have converted to Judaism in the last 50 years than in the previous 2,000 years combined. The impact is significant – both the quantity and quality of Jewish life have been strengthened by those who have joined themselves to K’lal Yisrael.
The Book of Ruth ends with reassurance for anyone who fears the Jew-by-choice. Ruth’s future lineage gives rise to King David and ultimately will usher in the Messianic Age. We do not proselytize, but our welcome must be wholehearted, for we are blessed by the gerei hatzedek of our own generation and by those who will be born from them.
