“In our interconnected world, we must learn to feel enlarged, not threatened, by difference – that is what I have argued.”
– Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, former chief rabbi of the United Kingdom
There is great power in Rabbi Sacks’ call for an embrace of difference, which is why the bruising, divisive rhetoric of the recent U.S. presidential election and the rise in anti-Semitic and racist incidents across this country have many of us alarmed. More than ever, talking, listening and responding with civility and respect matter. As Canadians, we must figure out how to talk – and listen – to people who do not share our opinions. These skills are vital to the health of civil society and the future of democracy, here and abroad.
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I know that having open, honest and meaningful dialogue is a skill that can be learned. One of the most important skills young people need to learn is to think critically and argue their point from a confidence grounded in facts and research. We have to empower them to ask questions, listen thoughtfully and engage their peers and adults respectfully, even if they disagree.
Lessons from pivotal events in world history can offer a rigorous springboard from which to introduce the practice of critical thinking. The goal should be to create continuing generations of civic actors, thinkers and problem-solvers who will change the world for the better to ensure that atrocities from the past need not be repeated.
We should take every opportunity to engage with each other – whether around the Shabbat dinner table, at Chanukah family celebrations or any time we have opportunities to gather together. We don’t have to wait for a specific occasion. The next generation is with us around our tables, and they are listening.
To be clear, acts of hatred, bigotry and violence directed at specific groups are unacceptable and outside the bounds of civility. But where there is an opportunity for civil dialogue, it’s imperative that we make the effort.
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Here are three strategies for engaging in civil, respectful conversations:
1. Start with yourself
Be aware of your own strongly held beliefs, political positions, emotional responses and biases, and be thoughtful about how they influence your point of view. Take ownership of the lens you bring. Realize others might feel just as strongly about their beliefs as you do about yours.
2. Acknowledge different points of view
If you know that guests have divergent opinions and beliefs, start by acknowledging these differences. Reassure your guests that you value them as individuals and members of your family or community.
3. Establish the ground rules
• Listen with respect: try to understand what someone is saying before rushing to judgment.
• If someone says something that hurts or offends you, don’t attack the person. Acknowledge that the comment – not the person – offended you and explain why.
• If you don’t understand something, ask a sincere question for clarification.
• Share talking time: provide room for others to speak, and do not interrupt them.
The work of building strong communities extends beyond electoral cycles. People have a natural desire to understand and to be understood, and I’ve personally seen many bridges built upon this premise. We won’t always agree, but how we disagree has the potential to bring us together, rather than drive us apart. This is precisely the strength – and hope – of democracy.
Leora Schaefer is the executive director of Facing History and Ourselves Canada.
