A bar or bat mitzvah is a Jewish rite of passage, as significant as any other on the planet. It is a turning point when a child leaves the magical years of play and life morphs into a more sophisticated time of deeper thought and responsibility.
A bar or bat mitzvah is huge, of utmost importance. Yet, as per my experience, many youths going through this ceremony are not being taught well, don’t take it seriously and express little interest in it.
Of course, there are those I meet who are excited and want to know as much as they can about this rite of passage. Generally, these are girls and boys who can learn from anyone or anything.
Then there are the others who don’t know the meaning of their Torah portion or the story behind it, and in fact approach this day in a laissez faire sort of way.
Few bar or bat mitzvah celebrants have any idea about the Jewish meaning of this rite of passage, what a tallit represents, or tfillin, let alone trying them on or wearing them prior to the big day and/or afterwards.
The problem lies, I believe, in the commitment to the day. It appears to me that parents of the celebrants are often disinterested themselves and decide to have a party because it’s expected. I have heard many times that dad or mom did not work with their daughter or son at all during the studying process
The bar or bat mitzah teachers often teach very little to the youths other than the few lines they need to read in the Torah.
Of course, there are wonderful teachers who care deeply about their craft and work closely with the bar or bat mitzvah celebrant as well as his or her parents. These teachers are often extraordinary and work hard to ensure that their students have a “beyond the call” understanding of the Torah portion and the day itself.
On average however, I fear this is not the case, and students are generally offered a minimal amount of information.
I think it’s imperative that shuls, teachers and parents dive into this process with gusto. They could consider going through it with their children so that they, too, know the portion, have read it and embraced it.
I think teachers need to start by putting down the books and just talking for a few hours with their students about the wonderment of the day and what it means to pass from one stage to the next.
One of the problems is that the party has become more important than the bar or bat mitzvah itself – when the youth is called to the Torah and/or asked to stand in front of the congregation and express a Jewish thought. The celebration has become like a theme park, where the visitor can sing with Mick Jagger or party with some rappers. While there is nothing wrong with hanging with Mick, I’m sure, there is much more to this day and time than rock ’n’ roll.
An obvious way to enhance young people’s delight in their bar or bat mitzvah is by recording songs and the Torah portion for iPod use. A bar mitzvah student I was told about did exactly that, and it was quite exciting.
E-mail me at [email protected] with ideas if you are a teacher, shul leader or parent of a bar or bat mitzvah student, and I will post them on my blog – http://avrum.net.
