A panel of rabbis with diverse Jewish backgrounds participated in a lively panel discussion earlier this month about gender and sexuality in Judaism.
The discourse explored ways of strengthening inclusivity for transgendered and non-heterosexual members, issues of gender neutrality, as well as the role of mikvah in a traditional Jewish marriage.
The Feb. 17 event, hosted by the Danforth Jewish Circle Circle (DJC) at Eastminster United Church, drew about 100 young Jewish professionals and clergy, who braved the frigid weather for an evening of spirited debate.
Yacov Fruchter, director of community building and spiritual engagement at Beth Tzedec Congregation, moderated the discussion, the third in an ongoing series called “Young Rabbis Speak.”
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Funded by a Wexner Graduate Fellowship Alumni Collaboration Grant, the series explores multiple pathways to living Jewishly in the 21st century.
The panel participants panel were Conservative Rabbi Jennifer Gorman, executive director of MERCAZ-Canada and the Canadian Foundation for Masorti Judaism; Rabbi Daniel Mikelberg, associate rabbi of Temple Sinai; Reconstructionist Rabbi Miriam Margles, spiritual leader of the DJC, an independent egalitarian congregation; Rabbi Noah Cheses, assistant rabbi of Shaarei Shomayim Congregation, and his wife, Sarah Cheses, a yoetzet Halachah. (Her training enables her to advise women on matters to do with the mikvah.)
Rabbi Cheses said that while Judaism is a “sex-positive religion” in that “sex is powerful and holy,” he expressed some hesitation about participating in a public forum about gender and sexuality. He explained that the Mishnah suggests such issues be discussed in the privacy of a one-on-one conversation.
But Rabbi Margles, an avowed feminist and activist, argued that such secrecy perpetuates the patriarchal orientation of Judaism. “Patriarchy is protected in private spaces. If you want understanding, we have to hear the diversity of all of our voices,” she said.
“We have an ethical obligation to break out of private spaces. Too many people have been hurt and wounded in private spaces.”
She said Judaism was patriarchal, because its laws and beliefs were defined by heterosexual men. “Queer and trans folk were made invisible or shamed within the context of Jewish learning.”
From her standpoint, the law must change. But according to Rabbi Cheses, a drastic shift in Jewish law is not a viable option for “a community that understands the law as the closest expression of God’s will that we have.”
While he acknowledged the Orthodox community’s general discomfort with members of the LGBTQ community, he said his role is to foster inclusivity. “I see myself as an activist for human companionship for all gender types, not an activist to change policy regarding Jewish law.
“I respond to all my congregants who are suffering.”
Rabbi Cheses also pointed out that many single people feel excluded from Orthodox congregations, because there’s such a strong emphasis on families. And Shaarei Shomayim is considering measuring the size of the congregation by counting individual members or souls rather by family units, as a way of promoting inclusivity.
Rabbi Gorman spoke about the paradox of being an ordained rabbi, but yet not being counted as part of the minyan at the Pride of Israel Synagogue, where her husband, Rabbi Sean Gorman, is the spiritual leader.
Nevertheless, she said she’s comfortable with her role as rebbetzin. “You find the place in Judaism that’s meaningful to you. For me it was Halachah.”
But she noted that in her own home many of the rituals are gender-neutral. “My children [two boys and a girl] all have candlesticks, and on Shabbat, Mommy and Daddy say Kiddush. There’s not a gender role in my house.”
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Rabbi Mikelberg, a Reform rabbi, said Temple Sinai has also moved toward gender neutrality in several areas. “We ask our women to wear tallit, and on Friday nights, males should be lighting candles in an equal role.”
The temple, founded in 1954, has evolved significantly on issues of gender equality, he said, recounting that for its first 20 years, there were no bat mitzvahs, and then the early bat mitzvahs did not include Torah readings.
But since the 1990s, the requirements for bat and bat mitzvahs have been the same.
He said the temple is now embracing the needs of the transgendered community, such as having some gender neutral bathrooms and changing the language used for life-cycle events like bar and bat mitzvah. “We are looking at re-envisioning the liturgy.”
And it’s the Reform movement that advocates these changes, Rabbi Mikelberg said. “I’m proud to be part of a religious movement that has a long tradition of supporting the LGBT community.”
