TORONTO — When Rabbi Harold Kushner started writing a book about fear, his first thoughts turned to illness and death.
He never considered public speaking.
But during his research, Rabbi Kushner, an Conservative American rabbi and author of Conquering Fear, Living Boldly in an Uncertain World, found that speaking in public was one of the most common fears that people have.
“The fear of rejection… I think that’s the real fear,” he said during a lecture at Beth Sholom Synagogue on Nov. 12. “To be told, in a love situation or a professional situation that you’re of no use to us… is absolutely devastating.”
Rabbi Kushner’s answer to fear was simple: God.
“God doesn’t want us to be afraid. Being afraid diminishes our humanity… So how do you cope?” he asked. “When life hurts and you cry out for God… He sends you people.”
He also sends courage, Rabbi Kushner added.
“For me, that’s the proof of God.”
The rabbi, who is perhaps best known for his best-selling book When Bad Things Happen to Good People, learned this lesson about courage first hand when his son, Aaron, was born.
At the age of three, Aaron was diagnosed with progeria, a rare degenerative disease in which children display symptoms of aging. Children diagnosed with progeria rarely live past their teens. Aaron died two days after his 14th birthday.
“[My wife and I] found qualities in ourselves… to love him and raise him and one day, to mourn for him,” he said.
In his last three months, Aaron had to sleep standing up because of his medical issues.
“Every morning, he’d awake for a day filled with pain, but he looked forward to that day.”
Rabbi Kushner used this as an example of why he doesn’t support euthanasia.
“Pain is the physical result of things [that happen]. Suffering is the emotional response. Whether we find it bearable is a choice.”
During his lecture, Rabbi Kushner also addressed the fear of change, which, in his opinion, manifests itself in religious fundamentalism.
He used the example of the denial of female and gay rights in religion.
“I suspect a lot of traditionalists… I think they’re saying, ‘Can’t there be… something that will just remain familiar?’” he said. “Change is a way of life.”
Fear also comes from a lack of control, Rabbi Kushner said, especially when it comes to natural disasters.
“One of the things that scares us is the ubiquity of the forces of nature,” he said. “The problem is there is no place safe from natural disasters.”
As a rabbi, he often hears people ask why God would send earthquakes and hurricanes, a question he heard often after Hurricane Katrina.
“God is loving, nature is blind… God was not in the hurricane. God was in the voice that tells you what to do afterwards,” he said. “Nature can’t tell the difference between a good person and a bad person… you will find God in your ability to survive a disaster.”
During a question-and-answer period, Rabbi Kushner addressed the issue of anger, specifically being angry at God.
“If you can’t be angry at someone, you don’t really love them,” he said. “God wants us… to rage, to curse… to get it out of your system and when you’ve done that, to realize that God is on your side.”
