Chanukah humour? Is this some kind of joke?
Actually, yes. Chanukah may certainly be a very enjoyable holiday, but we don’t usually associate it with humour. Purim, of course. But Chanukah? Well, if you look hard enough, you can find a lot that’s funny about the Festival of Lights. Here are a few ways to brighten some long, dark nights.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one: “A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. ‘What denomination?’ asked the clerk. ‘Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?’ replied the woman. ‘Well, give me 50 Conservative, 2 Orthodox, 37 Reform and 11 Reconstructionist.’”
I nearly choked on my chocolate dreidel when I came across “Latke vs. Hamantash: A Materialist-Feminist Analysis,” penned by the obviously erudite Robin Leidner of the University of Pennsylvania’s sociology department. She tries to settle once and for all, the age-old question: which food is more liberating for women – latkes or hamantashen. Let’s just say that things don’t come out too well for our favourite pancake.
“After peeling, grating, frying batch after batch in spitting oil, the cook is exhausted and sweaty, her hair hangs in greasy clumps, her knuckles are scraped raw, her arms sting from the continual splatters of oil. When at last a heaping plate of latkes is ready, she brings it to the table, where every one is snatched up immediately. Stoically, she heads back to the stove to begin frying the next batch.”
Leidner concludes that “for women, it is clear that hamantashen offer far more scope for self-realization, egalitarian relations and social progress than do latkes.”
Actually the Latke-Hamantash rivalry has a storied history dating back to 1946 (not quite as far as the foods, but still pretty impressive). Over the years, some impressive academics have invested a great deal of time in their food fights.
Here’s a sampling of what erudite Jews found time to argue about:
• In a 2007 debate at Harvard Hillel, criminal lawyer Alan Dershowitz accused the latke of increasing the United States’ dependence on oil. Retorted psychology professor Steven Pinker, “The poppy industry supports drugs, terrorism, inner-city crime and civil war in Latin America.” He called on latke lovers to sign his petition calling on Harvard and MIT to divest from companies that buy or sell poppy seed hamantashen.
• In the 2011 debate at MIT, particle physicist Allan Adams presented preliminary data from the LHC – the Latke Hamantash Collider – providing compelling evidence for Latke Theory.
• Because of the proximity to Passover of the 2012 debate at St. Mary’s College of Maryland, physics professor Joshua Grossman suggested a third contender: matzah. Though with some further consideration (matzah is flat, dry, crumbly, and tastes somewhat like “burnt glue”), he decided to drop it from the mix.
• And in a “Can’t we all just get along?” moment, University of Chicago president Hanna Gray stated in 1991 that “both the latke and the hamantash are simply wonderful. We welcome them to our diverse, pluralistic and tolerant community of scholars.” (She then shattered her veil of independence by declaring herself a card-carrying latke supporter!)
Finding funny Top Ten Lists on the Internet can be a hit-and-miss venture. But I must admit to cracking a smile when presented with some reasons why Chanukah is unlike that other holiday that happens this time of year:
• Latkes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.
• No barking dog version of I Have a Little Dreidel.
• And there’s no latke-nog.
It just wouldn’t be Chanukah without Adam Sandler’s modern classic The Hanukkah Song in which he reminds the world about prominent Jews in movies, music and sports. In the process, he finds some interesting rhymes for the holiday:
“Put on that yarmulka/ It’s time for Hanukkah
Two-time Oscar winning Dustin Hoffmanaka/ Celebrates Hanukkah”
Although Sandler has updated his oeuvre, some of the references are feeling a tad old (O.J. Simpson!). So a semi-anonymous scribe named Davshalom took it upon himself to pen a new version. Sample verse: “Queen Amidala’s/ Not Jewish for sure/ But Natalie Portman/ Sings Maoz Tzur”
Perhaps Yaakov Kirschen’s sardonic “Dry Bones” gets a bit too close to the bone in a recent cartoon:
“Rabbi, the kids are planning to do a Chanukah play. And they’re going to make it really modern! In the end of the play, Judah and the Maccabees… get charged with war crimes.”
So, let’s leave with something a bit lighter with a vintage Dry Bones from 2000.
“The Hanukkah miracle is that our little lights of freedom still shine … in spite of all the nations through the ages which train in vain… to blow them out!”
Chappy Chanukah!
