Once again, students at York University have voted on a BDS motion, but this time, BDS stands for “books, dues and students,” the slogan for a newly elected slate of student politicians.
“It seemed like a radical idea,” said student president-elect Joe White. “We decided to look at the concerns of students and the things we know best, instead of worrying about foreign policy.”
The new student government will focus on students’ academic concerns and quality-of-life issues at the university’s Keele campus in Toronto’s northwest suburbs, White said.
Students were evidently impressed by the startling change in tone from previous student governments that had focused exclusively on passing annual divestment motions, and gave the new slate a resounding majority.
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“I just think that, like, a student government should, like, worry about students and stuff,” said one voter leaving a polling station on campus.
Among the new government’s concerns are the high cost of education, the high cost of books and the university’s efforts to recruit students who intend to go to class occasionally.
University president Mamdouh Shoukri was unavailable for comment, but the administration issued a tersely worded statement.
“Because the election voting booths were in the student centre, which is not under our jurisdiction, we cannot comment on the results. In fact, the actions of the student government have nothing to do with the university. For that matter, nothing the students do ever has anything to do with York. We can say that the students here do not represent York University.”
The newly elected student government will continue to have some jobs for the social justice warriors on campus, White said.
“We want to make sure everyone at York is making a living wage. We have some other concerns, too, I just can’t think of them at the moment, but mainly as a student government we have decided to concentrate on the students right here,” White said.
Hillel at York also had no comment, although the message on its voice mail stated that it had advised students to vote “Chicago-style” – early and often – in advance polls.
The Hillel student executive and staff, numbering about 100 people, are currently on a mission to Israel, where they insisted they were locked in a stuffy convention centre studying how to write snappy slogans about the Jewish homeland, not “gallivanting around like those Birthright kids.”
Meanwhile, the other Jewish group on campus, StandingWithHasbara Canada, also welcomed the change in government, although student leaders admitted they were starting to feel a little nostalgic for the “good old days” of monthly referendums about Israel and protests that seemed to magically coincide with Jewish holidays.
The group has scheduled a mammoth bonfire and party to get rid of their own protest signs and flyers, which will feature an Israeli band and a shaliach playing pioneer songs on an accordion.
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“Our Chanukah party’s just not going to be the same if we don’t have to lock the doors and call campus police to get rid of the demonstrators,” lamented one student.
“Yeah,” complained another. “Latkes without pepper spray just won’t be as tasty.”
Purim Shpiel: The use of satire or humour in publishing a “fake” newspaper article, blog post, etc. Happy Purim!
