Many of us count ourselves lucky to have a few close friends. But in what might be one of the most remarkable stories about friendship, a group of 25 Jewish women have been friends for over 70 years.
They were just 12 and 13 years old when they met in 1952 at Toronto’s YMHA. The group hit off from the start. Some, like Marilynne Sokoloff, came from downtown. Others, like Barbara Fogel, lived north at Bathurst Street and Lawrence Avenue. Barbara came up with the group’s name: Ty-Lemna.
“I think I named it after someplace in Italy,” she recalls.
Sylvia Cohen, who was just a few years older than the girls, was the official group leader and advisor.
“We were all in the same position,” explains Sandy Klein. “We were all compatible, and I don’t think there was any disagreement in the entire group. There was no jealousy involved.”
None of the women could recall a time when they fought or had issues. Despite coming from different financial backgrounds, Sandy says there was a feeling of equality.
When the girls moved into their later teenage years, the group remained together, putting their friendships first, ahead of possible dates. “On one occasion, a boy asked me out the same night I had arrangements with my friends,” recalls Sandy. “I told him I had to go out with them, so I couldn’t go out with him. He turned to me and said, ‘You’re going to give up a date with me for your girlfriends?’”
This was when Sandy told him, “My girlfriends are going to last a lot longer than you.”
Although there were 25 in the group, a few members stood out. “There was this girl named Andrea “Andy” Gordon, and she swore like a sailor, and she had more knowledge than us when it came to sexual matters,” recalls Barbara. “Everything we learned about sex came from Andy.”
The gang got into some pretty wild adventures. Barbara remembered when a few were hitchhiking, and Andy was in the front seat. “All of a sudden, she shouted, ‘Jump!’ The three of us quickly exited the car. It turned out the man in the front seat was trying to make a move on Andy.”
Marilynne and Andy’s birthdays are a few days apart. Although it’s been six years since Andy died, Marilynne says she still calls Andy’s daughter on Andy’s birthday.
The group met weekly for a number of years. Many of the women married in their late teens. Fortunately, some of them lived in the same area –near Wilson Avenue and Keele Street in suburban Toronto.
Marilynne recalls when Nancy Pruskin had a baby at the age of 19. “She didn’t know what to do with it. So we went to her apartment and helped her boil water.” Marilynne also says that she remembers the exact date Nancy gave birth. “To this day, I always make a point to call her child on her birthday.”
As children entered the scene, the women would see each other at birthday parties. Over time, weekly meet-ups turned into yearly group gatherings. These annual get-togethers were an opportunity to rekindle the flames of their friendships. At the age of 50-something, the women decided to hold a pyjama party at Sandy’s cabin.
Thirty years ago, Barbara decided to move down to Florida permanently. When the other group members would visit on their vacations, they’d always make a point to stop by and see her.
Mah-jong has played a significant role in keeping the group together over the decades and many still get together to play weekly, says Marilynne.
As with any large group, there have been ups and downs. A few members died young. There were a fair number divorces and moves, but the women always seemed to find a way back to the group.
“When we first met at the Y, we realized we had something special,” says Barbara. “We knew we wanted to hang onto these friendships.”
As the group has aged, medical issues have risen to the surface. “Whenever one of us gets a diagnosis or is sick, we are immediately on the phone,” explains Barbara.
“No one feels alone. I want to ensure everyone is connected somehow,” says Marilynne.
I first learned of Ty-lemna at the funeral of Marion Hirschberg in April. Marion was one of the key people to connect the group. She spent a lot of time working in community theatre. Marilynne recalls, and the group attended her performances.
“When we first met, we were kids, and we’ve gone through so much,” says Barbara. “We are wiser now and know just how important this group is.”