TORONTO — If Harvey Brownstone, a judge with the Ontario Court of Justice, has one message for divorcing parents, it’s that family court is bad for families.
Harvey Brownstone
Speaking at last week’s annual general meeting of Jewish Family & Child, Brownstone, who presides over family court, said that it should be a couple’s last resort.
“Courts are designed to solve legal problems, but most people’s problems are interpersonal. When parents fight in court, they leave angrier than they were in the beginning. There is no winner in family court, there is only degrees of losing,” he said.
Brownstone, who recently wrote Tug of War: A Judge’s Verdict on Separation, Custody Battles, and the Bitter Realities of Family Court, said that family court is about the personalities of the parties involved, not about the facts of the case.
“After 14 years on the job, I cannot believe that parents [could] hate each other so much that they would give all that power to a judge. They need to love their children more than they hate each other.
“Family courts are clogged with cases [that have parents fighting so long] the files are closed only because their children turn 18.”
Children are the real victims in family court, he said, because they’re caught in the middle of a tug of war. “Parents have to understand the impact of their behaviour on their children.
“Separation or divorce is not necessarily bad for children, it is the conflict that is bad. [When] children witness fighting, it is a form of child abuse, and they should be shielded from this behaviour,” he added.
“The most challenging cases are those in which the children are at risk of emotional harm. If the only way to make peace is for us to put them in a neutral place such as foster care, then we’ll do it.”
Couples make a “huge” mistake by coming to family court without a lawyer, Brownstone said. “Lawyers are expensive, and about 70 per cent of people come without them. They are in for a shock, though, because [most] people don’t know what family courts do.
“There are a lot of rules of evidence, and the system is not designed to be navigated without legal help. People have to prove what they’re saying, and they need lawyers to prove the evidence. What actually happened does not matter. [What matters] is what you can prove happened. It is not good enough to tell the judge your side of the story.”
Family courts are different than other courts, he said, “because at family courts, people have to keep dealing with each other. Parents have a sacred opportunity to put their emotional baggage behind.”
He wrote his book, he said, “because when couples break up they don’t know where to turn for help. They need counselling and legal advice to learn about their rights and obligations.”
He said Tug of War is the first book written by a judge for the public. “I wrote it because I am convinced that judges should be public educators, not just adjudicators. By the time [people come to see us in court], it is too late to prevent the carnage. If we can get information out to parents, maybe they can make better use of the system.”
Royalties from the book are earmarked for the Children’s Wish Foundation – although $10 from each book sold at the meeting went to JF&CS – because “parents of ill children would do anything to have them [healthy.] The others should be grateful for their healthy children.”
Also at the meeting, presentations were made in memory of JF&CS social worker Elinor Gertner, who died in July. The outgoing JF&CS president is Richard Orzy, and the incoming president is Sharon Shore.