It’s better to want what you have than to have what you want.

I met a lovely woman from Israel, Amira Liwer, who was here with her husband, Dr. Yoram Liwer, the CEO of the Mynei Hyeshua Medical Center in Bnei Brak, a hospital whose philosophy is that “every minute of human life is valuable.”

Hearing about this hospital made a strong impression on me. But Mrs. Liwer made an equally strong impression on me. In her humility, kindness and quiet grace, she reminded me of my beloved late grandmother.

When I asked her to tell me more about the 48 qualities and traits that one needs in order to really understand, absorb and identify with the Torah, she kindly offered to help. From Israel, she sent me some books, accompanied by a beautiful letter. One of the books, Visions of the Fathers by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, a medical doctor, addresses those 48 qualities.

The 48 qualities are very similar to life- coaching values and ideas. The one that struck me the most was “being happy with one’s lot.” Again, this reminded me of my late grandmother and of how she was always happy with the simplest things in life. As long as her family was around her, she was always at peace and self-contented, and her riches were a houseful of plants and flowers, and lots of love in her home and her heart, and at her Shabbat table,

Being happy with one’s lot in life – how can we achieve that?

According to Rabbi Twerski, “The more a person understands that his neshamah is Divine and that he can unite with God, the less he will be concerned with earthly needs. Being happy with one’s lot leads to greater acquisition of Torah, which in turn increases the happiness with one’s lot. The true Torah scholar experiences a positive self-reinforcing cycle.”

Self-contentment also comes from being infinitely positive and having a positive outlook on life. Often a good attitude rubs off on those around us. Try being infinitely positive for just one week and notice what changes around you and inside of you. And when it comes to health and well-being, we have to begin by being at peace with ourselves, our choices and our “lot’ in life.

I spoke to Rabbi Adina Lewittes, who had wonderful things to say about self-acceptance and contentment.

“Rav Soloveitchik taught something very important about this subject. He taught that holiness is found not in the answers or neatly fitting pieces of our lives, but rather in paradox – in the places where things don’t always fit together,” she says.

“The challenge of human existence is to build a life with all the often conflicting and dissonant pieces of who we are, and hold them all together in one indivisible whole… When we can embrace ourselves and others with all our rights and wrongs, our successes and failures, with all our contradictions and imperfections, we will have taken a step towards wholeness, towards shlemut, towards peaceful self-acceptance.”

A close friend of mine, Ellen, says being happy with her lot in life is the motto she lives by.

“Everybody has a ‘peckle,’ as my grandmother used to say,” Ellen notes. “There is no point in being jealous of someone and how much they have or possess, or what good luck they acquire, because everybody has a ‘peckle,’ or a burden, and you don’t know what’s going on in anybody else’s life. So to be happy with your lot in life is to be happy with everything you’ve got. Someone is always going to have more than you,” she says.

My friend derives satisfaction and happiness from the close relationships in her life, with her friends, her family and her husband. Simplicity, humility and modesty are characteristics of some of the most self-contented people I have ever known – all of whom are happy with their lot in life, whatever it may be.

Judy Siblin-Librach is an Adler-trained coach. Website: www.findingyourbliss.com, e-mail: j[email protected]