As a coach, I often work with clients on something many of us face when we are making a speech, performing in a play, giving a presentation or even during an informal talk to co-workers, friends or family. Many people experience stage fright, and indeed some of the best performers in the world have experienced it at one point or another.

Recently, my daughter, Lily, played the role of Annie in the musical Annie. It was quite an undertaking, with a lot of solos and lots of lines for an eight-year-old. One of the things I wanted to help her with was the butterflies that are inevitable for any performer. So I researched it really well and tried to get a handle on how not only to manage the butterflies but also how to turn the butterflies into excitement and anticipation. That is one of the best lines of defence – to turn the lemons into lemonade, by reframing the anxiety into anticipation.

 One of the things I learned is that anticipatory anxiety is much greater than the actuality. And, in fact, when I used to be a senior producer on a national television show, many of my guests were nervous beforehand, and I used to assure them that most of it dissipates once they start talking and concentrating on what they were there to express. I used to tell them the same thing that I told my child, that the butterflies will go away within about 10 to12 seconds after you start talking and the time will fly, and when it’s over, you won’t believe how fast it all went by.

My very conscientious daughter taught me something else about stage fright, and that is that with excellent preparation and commitment, when you know your lines through and through, and your speech is well rehearsed, you have a wonderful cushion to fall back on. She rehearsed every day – and sometimes on her own – and it showed. So hard work and commitment are an excellent beginning.

There are also great benefits to a few butterflies. That’s how you get the blush in your cheeks, the burst of energy, the sparkle in your eyes and the excitement to go out there.

Having said that, I remember reading that the actor Sir Laurence Olivier used to have to be pushed from the wings onto the stage, whisky flask in hand, before he would venture out. Even thought no one ever died from stage fright, according to surveys, many people would rather die than give a speech.

So how can not only performers but also the average person learn to speak or perform publicly and actually enjoy it?

For one, it helps to use the excitement to your benefit. Onstage, use it in your character, to make your character shine. In a speaking situation, use the excitement to propel you to explain with passion what it is you are trying to get across. In public speaking, I always tell my clients to imagine they are putting their nerves on a shelf and then tell themselves, “Hey nerves, I’ll get back to you soon. Right now, I have a speech to deliver.” The other thing I always suggest is to remind yourself that you are a professional and that you know what you are doing.

Make sure to take some deep breaths before you begin. Some people like to energize themselves before they go onstage by doing a physical warm-up, a vocal warm-up if they are singing, and I know of a beautiful actress who jumps on the spot to let go of that excess energy before she goes on.

Imagine the audience loving what you’re doing and applauding, and visualize a positive outcome. Be prepared, because when you are, you will immediately be ahead of the game. Take a class – a private or group class in public speaking.

Trust that it will unfold as it should and it will. Show compassion not only for others but also for yourself and remember that when you are speaking, singing or performing, it’s often because you have a gift to share.

Lily was spectacular. But the best part for me was to watch her enjoy it and to notice how relaxed she was onstage. It was mostly due to her incredible hard work and determination, but as she would say, “I just thought of happy thoughts and sang my heart out, and my nerves went away in two seconds!”

Judy Siblin-Librach is an Adler-trained coach. Website: www.findingyourbliss.com; e-mail: [email protected]