Dear Ella,

I am about to embark on a real-life reality show. You might call it the “almost Brady Bunch.”

 I am a 37-year-old divorced woman with two daughters, ages 11 and 13. Jeremy, my fiancé, is 41 with two sons and one daughter. His kids are 10, 13 and 16. Obviously, this situation is not without it’s problems and adjustments, but for the most part, we’re all managing beautifully. We all live together, but our wedding date is fast approaching.

The big question for now is last names. Jeremy is uncomfortable with me keeping my ex-husband’s name. I have kept it because of the children. I really don’t want to start changing my name to be different than my kids at this time in their lives. I don’t know what the proper thing to do is in this situation. Any ideas?

Almost Brady

Dear Almost Brady

Your family now consists of five tweens and teens and two adults. If it’s going as well as you say, who cares what your last name is?

Blended families today are not unusual. There are siblings in the same school, and sometimes even the same class, with different last names or hyphenated names. It doesn’t change who they are.

You can’t wipe the slate clean and start over. I understand that having the same last name would, in theory, create a feeling of unity, but each one of you carries a past that includes the kids. Why would you want to erase that part of your lives?

There are other ways to feel like a unified family without sharing the same last name – by sharing, understanding, love, fairness, honesty and strength.

Unity and harmony will be created as you and your fiancé stand together as one.

Once you and Jeremy are comfortable with your decision, you can discuss it with the kids and get their input. Remember: kids are growing up today in a changing world. Different last names are not unusual.

Whatever you decide, it’s important that you’re both comfortable with it. Your children will look to you for stability, safety and a sense of belonging.

If it works for you, it will work for them.

Together you will blend your family into a strong, loving unit.

Readers may submit their questions to Ella at The CJN., e-mail: [email protected]. But Ella is not a professional counsellor. She brings to the questions posed by readers her unique brand of earthy wisdom. Her advice is not a replacement for medical, legal or any other advice. For serious problems, consult a professional. Ask Ella can now be found on Facebook.