Apparently, he’s just not that into me. Or you, or her or anyone else for that matter if we are to believe this new so-called philosophy.

This catch phrase from a Sex and the City episode-turned-book-turned-movie is beginning to get on my nerves.

“It’s not you, it’s him,” is something the girls and I say to one another regularly when we’re complaining about the boys in our life. And it always seems to make so much sense at the time.

He didn’t call after a great date? He’s obviously dumb – it’s not you, it’s him. He wants to hang out with his friends? He’s definitely still stuck in high school – it’s not you, it’s him. He doesn’t want to get married? He’s got commitment issues – it’s not you, it’s him.

We say that to one another because every woman deep in her heart is always afraid she’s not enough. And now we’ve got a book/movie that just confirms that fear.

A girlfriend of mine said she found the movie inspiring, while I found it downright insulting.

If you haven’t seen it yet and still plan to, you might want to skip the next few paragraphs but basically, in the movie the “wise-guy” tells a pathetic excuse for a girl that every guy she meets is “just not that into her” and that while there are exceptions to the rule, most likely, the girl is the rule and not the exception.

Of course, the movie-makers couldn’t let every girl walk out of the theatre depressed and so obviously the girls in the movie end up being the exception to the rule.

This movie is supposed to be the guy-dictionary we’ve all been searching for all these years? Maybe I’m just clueless when it comes to love, but I walked out of there more confused than ever.

All I know is that when I’m not romantically interested in someone who I know is romantically interested in me, I don’t send out mixed signals.

I don’t call them, kiss them or ask them to hang out. I don’t reach out when I’m down, reach out when I’m happy or reach out at all really. I’m always friendly, but I never give them a reason to ever question whether I’m into them or not.

I’m not a complicated girl and I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I’m just not that into you, you’re not gonna need a cheesy movie to figure it out.

But guys are different it seems. It doesn’t take a genius to feel when love has gone cold, but what about when the guy in your life is constantly hot and cold? Not all guys mind you, but a lot of guys love the game, love feeling wanted, love being chased. They are the masters of mixed signals.

If they’re just not that into us, then why won’t they just leave us alone?

It’s easy to make sweeping generalizations – boys are bad to the bone and girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. But I know that’s a load of bull.

There are girls out there who love the attention and never really let any guy get too far before reeling them in again, without a second thought about if she’s into them or not.

I’m just not that into that.

But what I and a lot of other girls are into unfortunately are the guys who keep us guessing. The players who are as charming as they are emotionally distant. The womanizers who know just what to say but don’t ever say what you want. The men who we can never quite figure out.

And in that case, it’s true girls. The problem is not them. It’s us.