March 27 is my anniversary. Forty-three years! That sounds like a lot in these divorce-happy times. People don’t stick together for long – they’re afraid of commitment or growing apart, or they’re just plain unable to be faithful.

Some say that marriage to one person was never meant to last so long. As we gain in the longevity battle, we seem to lose in the marital one.

In my crowd, that number – 43– is not so unusual. Most of us have been married to the same partner for that many years or more. Our parents, too, were among the longtime married.

Yet we are aware of our surroundings – we know that we’re statistical anomalies. I have no idea why we were able to make it last while others were not. I have no clue as to why we chose well, or even if we chose well, or if we just stubbornly made it work.

Perhaps it was a bit of both. I do know that most of us married young and worked hard to stay that way.

It was never easy. We didn’t ride off into the clouds of wedded bliss. We fought and bickered and struggled. But we learned to trust and cleave and love.

To a certain extent, we grew up together. I know I did. I got married in my third year of university. I was, in large part, unformed. My husband and I jointly became adults.

We informed each other and learned to depend on each other. It wasn’t easy, but in some ways, early seems good in this day and age.

I know the current wisdom is that later is better. Let them grow up, get a career, know their minds. But that leads to a maturity that is sometimes inflexible, apprehensive, distrustful and incapable of compromise. Perhaps the ability to share bedroom space is vitiated by living alone for too long.

Obviously, no equation works for everyone. And who are we to judge? In some communities, later is better. In others, early works. In some, a shadchan is mandated. In others, open-market meeting is the rule. In each case, we hope we meet the right person and that it lasts. We hope it works.

But if it doesn’t, thank God there’s such a thing as divorce. Marriage is great if it works. It’s awful if it doesn’t. There’s no shame in admitting that it’s failed. Just make sure you give it your best shot. When necessary, get out and look again.

That’s the humanity in Judaism.

If some people pervert its basic sensitivity by holding women hostage to male divorce control, they pervert God’s law and we’re all to blame for being complicit. No one should sit idly by while this happens, for it demeans our religion, rabbis and community.

Happy anniversary!