A friend recently told me how he felt about his parents getting older.  “My perception of my parents is different now. I see them as older. I can see they’ve slowed down and things are different than they were before. They are a little bit less able.”

 He said his parents are still the central figures in his life, his sisters’ lives and the children’s lives, and they give everyone a solid foundation.

“I always count on my mom and dad. Anything I need, they are there. Any time I need to find some peace from life, I go there.

 “When I would have a bad day at work and feel so out of it, I would hang out with my parents. A lot of times, I wouldn’t say what was going on. It was enough just to be there with them.

 “That has not changed.”

 My buddy, in his mid-40s, was very contemplative throughout this interview, recognizing the continuum of life and that people get old, but his parents’ youthful attitude makes this transition time easier.

 “My dad just turned 81 and my mother is 78, and they feel older. But they don’t have a negative outlook on life, or give that sense of ‘we’re getting old and this is depressing.’ Things are slowly starting to hurt though – their hearing has gone a bit, and they are more cautious about their driving. You see bits and pieces creep in – natural aging stuff, but they are very vibrant, go regularly to the gym, and are actively involved with their grandchildren’s lives.”

My buddy’s children are young teenagers, and on some level, they are aware their bubbie and zaidy are aging, but express the feeling that they will always be around. His sisters are aware the aging process has come to visit their parents. They never really talk about it, but it’s understood they will all take care of their mom and dad when the time comes.

 “Look what they have done for us,” he says. “I hope my kids do the same for me one day. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.”

 Time marches on, my friend tells me, and as it does, he thinks about the next phase of his existence.

“I know my parents are going to pass away, but I try not to think about it too often because I don’t want to face it until I have to. I like having them here. It’s so comforting. My parents symbolize home, and once they are not here, I’ll feel lost.”

 To everyone else, he says, he is a grown-up man, but as long as he has parents, inside he feels like a kid and has a licence to act like one when he’s around them.

“When I’m with them, I love to act goofy. I always have. I always will.”

  He concludes the interview sounding sad. “Soon it will be my time to do the tough work, to be their parents. It’s difficult to see my parents as being older, because I always thought they would be around forever. They were my default when I was a kid – and even today. How nice it is to say, ‘Ah, I’m going to my mom’s house.’”

 He looks down at nothing in particular and says, “My dad showed me the tallit he wants to be buried in. I sloughed it off. I didn’t want to see it.”

 “The days of Yisrael drew near to die…” –the Torah

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