I watch my son on Shabbat as he interacts with his cousins, aunt and uncle and friends.
It is uplifting to witness his interest in family and the day of rest, its spirit and soul. Nowadays he will say to me, “Daddy can we sing Shalom Aleichem?” – the Friday night song that welcomes in this 25-hour oasis of time and space. Noah is now expressing a true toddler interest in our heritage.
As Noah grows, his mother and I are grappling with what to teach him about Judaism and how to teach it. As a child and young adult, I was exposed to an intense religious life and education, and despite the fact that I rejected that particular brand of Judaism, Torah knowledge and its ways are within me, and my choices were and are relatively informed ones.
If we don’t impart to Noah the teachings of the Torah and Judaism, on some meaningful level, he will not have this same opportunity. That would be a shame.
In this context, one of the questions challenging us is where to send him to school. Do we want to invest in a Jewish day school education, which could cost over $100,000 by the time he graduates?
As we investigate the possibilities, we continually hear that a day school environment will ensure that he will have Jewish friends and exposure to Judaism in a wholesome way. We also hear the opposite.
Some students who started out in the day school system and eventually changed to public school told us they did not feel comfortable in their particular environment, were often made fun of for being “different” and regularly marginalized by the “hip” group.
It pains me to know the deep scars the day school system and environment have left on some of our young people who were uninterested in or unable to purchase the trendiest clothing, or quieter or less effusive than others. I wrote a series of articles on this topic last year (found in The CJN archives) examining the A and B lists in our day schools, and the effect this schoolyard hierarchy has on our children.
Recently, I met a young man who wended his way through the religious school system. He told me he had no intention of leading a comprehensive Jewish life and saw the day school system as a means to an end in terms of garnering a quality education.
I want Noah to grow up with a great respect for others, and love and appreciation of wisdom, knowledge, Torah and Judaism. With this in mind, we are searching to determine if our day schools impart these things, and together with parents, encourage curiosity and wonderment in the minds of our children, prompting them to consider “what Judaism has to say about…”
So what are we to do in regard to Noah’s education? Is it worth it to send our child to Jewish day school so that he is surrounded by other Jews? I’m not sure. Is there any assurance that such an education will encourage a strong development and commitment to his Jewishness? This is unclear.
A Jewish day school education, with its high costs and Jewish thought as a basis for its curriculum, should strive for and achieve greatness and soulfulness. No doubt, many of our students have grown terrifically through their Jewish day school career, but are they the norm?
If day school was the Standard & Poor’s, the investment barometer, of education, would you invest in it? Should we do so for Noah? The decision is not simple.
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