MONTREAL — Twenty years ago, Miriam Charron would never have dreamed that the women’s shelter of which she was founding president would still be in operation today.

But Auberge Shalom… pour femmes, a refuge for women and their dependent children from abusive relationships, is not only still around, its services continue to expand and it is looking for larger premises.

Auberge was established by the National Council of Jewish Women (NCJW) and is the only shelter of its kind under Jewish auspices in Canada. Its planned move to a new home is the first in its history.

Conjugal violence was a taboo subject in the Montreal Jewish community when the NCJW began laying the groundwork for the non-profit Auberge Shalom 25 years ago.

The murder by her husband of a Jewish woman, Donna Kertzer Rose, in suburban Dollard des Ormeaux, in 1984 shook the community out of its complacency and spurred the NCJW to action.

The NCJW’s first task was convincing  Jewish community leaders and rabbis that this was an issue that affected Jews as much as the general population,  said Charron, who remains on the shelter’s board. With testimonials from social workers and doctors on its prevalence, the matter could no longer be ignored.

After five years of fundraising and negotiations with the Quebec government for support, Auberge Shalom opened in 1989 in the west end, in a converted duplex donated by businessman Leonard Ellen.

Auberge Shalom is kosher and follows Jewish observances, but it has been open to all women from day one.

Over the years, an average of close to 18 per cent of clients occupying its 12 beds has been Jewish. In 2008, a quarter of the women living-in were Jewish.

The occupancy rate has ranged from 70 to 100 per cent over years. Last year, the shelter was above capacity.

Women can stay up to three months, at no charge. There is a 24-hour staff, with a corps of volunteers –women and men – who accompany clients to court or other appointments or babysit the kids.

“But this is not a hotel – the women have to take the first steps toward helping themselves. Otherwise, they can’t stay,” said Diane Sasson, executive director for the past 14 years.

Since 2002, Auberge Shalom has also had an off-site counselling centre for women who prefer not to stay in a shelter. Last year, 37 per cent of those using this service were Jewish.

Jewish women tend to be more reluctant to stay in a shelter, especially one under community auspices, perhaps because they fear being found out, Sasson said. But Auberge Shalom’s location and services are strictly confidential.

When it first opened, Auberge Shalom only accepted women who were in physical danger, but over the years the criteria have been expanded to include psychological and economic hardship at the hands of their husbands or partners.

In addition to its direct services to women affected, Auberge Shalom has worked tirelessly to raise the public’s awareness of conjugal violence, sponsored programs aimed at prevention and advocated for the rights of victims.

Charron will be honoured at a 20th anniversary fundraising breakfast May 21 at the Just for Laughs Loft, a venue that demonstrates that the Auberge’s leaders have not lost their sense of humour despite the bleakness of the work they do. The guest speaker is lawyer Adelia Ferreira, who has long experience in domestic violence cases.

So far, an angel like Ellen has not been found to provide the Auberge with a new home, said Sasson. They are looking for somewhere that will be convenient to the Jewish community but still be kept confidential.

Despite the thousands of people who have passed through Auberge Shalom over the years, whether clients, staff, volunteers or service providers, its whereabouts have remained generally unknown. There have only been two or three incidents when a spouse has turned up, and they have ended peacefully.

The number of beds may not be increased at the new place, but more space is needed for offices and the auxiliary services the Auberge provides, such as a legal clinic and children’s programs. This expansion has been made possible by increased government funding, which now covers two-thirds of the budget.

The rest is raised privately. No money is received or requested from Federation CJA, Sasson said.

Sasson and Charron see a greater acceptance in the community that domestic abuse is a fact and must be tackled head-on, but talking about it is another thing.

“This is still a very private issue, it’s not named easily,” Sasson said. “Even among those who are victims, there is a reluctance to associate what they are experiencing with spousal abuse. They don’t want to admit they are victims. It is still quite shameful, but less so.”

Progress has been made in reaching out to the insular haredi communities, which are traditionally wary of going outside their milieu for help. Auberge Shalom has a special program with its own counsellor for haredi women.

Auberge Shalom was actually a trail-blazer not only in the Jewish community, but also in Quebec. Until 1986, spousal violence was seen as a “private affair” and police were not obliged to press charges, Sasson pointed out. Women’s shelters were few when Auberge opened.

Today, it is one of about 20 women’s shelters in the Montreal area, but only one of two in the west end.

Women wanting to come to the shelter must be referred by social services or police or conjugal violence hot-lines, or at least call first.

The philosophy of Auberge Shalom is not to counsel women to leave abusive spouses, but to give them the guidance and information that will enable them to make their own choice about their future. “Too many of these women have had someone else – their family, their partner, professionals – make decisions for them all their lives,” Sasson said.

Sasson joined Auberge Shalom without a social work or counselling background. Her interest was in women’s and human rights.

“I see so much courage and strength in these women that it’s really an honour to work with them. And quite motivating.”

For tickets to the Auberge Shalom 20th anniversary breakfast, phone 731-0833.