Donald Trump like you’ve probably heard him before

Trumpentashen, anyone?
Trumpentashen, anyone?

American entrepreneur Donald Trump, front-running candidate for the Republican nomination for president of the United States, has been gaining momentum and picking up delegates on the campaign trail by “telling it like it is.”

In an effort to learn more about the man who coined one of the most overused TV catch phrases of the 2000s, a man whose popularity has many in the United States and abroad shaking their heads in utter disbelief, The CJN sat down with Trump, who agreed to take time out his busy schedule for an interview that touched a number of hot-button Canadian Jewish issues and promises to leave some readers more confused than ever.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is often criticized internationally for Israel’s security wall. What are your thoughts on the subject?

I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me –and I’ll build them very inexpensively.

It doesn’t do any good to start demeaning the neighbours, because I would love to do something with regard to negotiating peace finally for Israel and for their neighbours. As a negotiator, I cannot do that as well if I’m taking sides. That being said, I am totally pro-Israel.

I shake hands very gladly politically. I don’t think you could be a politician if you didn’t shake hands.


I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.

Even a race to Obama, Hillary Clinton was gonna beat Obama. I don’t know who would be worse, I don’t know, how could it be worse? But she was going to beat – she was favoured to win – and she got schlonged, she lost, I mean she lost. If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America.

What do you think of the controversy about women taking on Jewish leadership roles in Orthodoxy, including the title rabbi? 

Women, you have to treat them like s–t. I do respect them. I have great respect for women. In fact, one of the reasons The Apprentice was such a successful show for so many years, the audience of women was fantastic.

All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me – consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.

I love beautiful women, and beautiful women love me. It has to be both ways. You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write, as long as you’ve got a young, and beautiful, piece of a–.

I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.

You’ve managed to alienate Muslims, Hispanics, the Chinese, African- Americans, women – what have you got for the Jews?

You are not going to support me even though you know I am the best thing that could happen for Israel. Stupidly, you want to give me money. You’re not going to support me because I don’t want your money. You want to control your own politicians. I’m a negotiator, like you folks. I promise you that I’m much smarter than Jonathan Leibowitz – I mean Jon Stewart, who, by the way, is totally overrated.

Nailed it.

What do you think of the Jewish National Fund of Canada’s decision to withdrawn its support for a Vancouver concert by an Israeli singer who was accused of supporting the boycott, divestment and sanctions (BDS) movement against Israel?

We have to go see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what’s happening. We have to talk to them, maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some way. Somebody will say, “Oh, freedom of speech, freedom of speech.” These are foolish people. We have a lot of foolish people.

One of they key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.

The Jewish religion places great value on humility, as opposed to having too much pride in oneself. What are your thoughts? If you could answer in the third person, that would be amazing.

Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad.

Oh. Sorry.

Love him or hate him, Donald Trump is a man who is certain about what he wants and sets out to get it, no holds barred. Women find his power almost as much of a turn-on as his money.

People love me. And you know what, I have been very successful. Everybody loves me. I mean, part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich. I’m worth far too much money. I don’t need anybody’s money. My IQ is one of the highest – and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure. It’s not your fault.


We want to see winning. We want to see win, win, win – constant winning. And you’ll say – if I’m president,… “Please, Mr. President, we’re winning too much. We can’t stand it anymore. Can’t we have a loss?’ And I’ll say no, we’re going to keep winning, winning, winning… because we’re going to make America great again. And you’ll say, “OK, Mr. President. OK.”

Many North American synagogues are struggling to attract millennials to join their congregations. If you were a Jewish leader, what would you do?

I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK? It’s, like, incredible. 15,000 people showed up to hear me speak. Bigger than anybody and everybody knows it. A beautiful day with incredible people that were wonderful, great Americans, I will tell you. John McCain goes, “Oh, boy, Trump makes my job difficult. He had 15,000 crazies show up.” Crazies. He called them all crazy. I said, “They weren’t crazy. They were great Americans.” These people – if you would have seen these people – you – I know what a crazy is. I know all about crazies.

I think that I would be a great uniter. I think that I would have great diplomatic skills. I think that I would be able to get along with people very well. I’ve had a great success in my life. I think the world would unite if I were the leader of the United States.

It’s a well-known fact that your daughter, Ivanka, converted to Judaism. What do you do when you spend Shabbat together?

I’ll drink water. Sometimes tomato juice, which I like. Sometimes orange juice, which I like. I’ll drink different things. But the Coke or Pepsi boosts you up a little.

Canadian Jews have been facing shortages of kosher chickens and have complained about the quality of poultry imported into the province of Ontario. What’s your take on this?

You've heard of Trump steaks, but Trump chickens?
You’ve heard of Trump steaks, but Trump chickens?

Trump Steaks are the world’s greatest steaks, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Trump Steaks are by far the best tasting most flavourful beef you’ve ever had. Believe me, I understand steaks.

No, chicken. I asked you about kosher chicken.

We do a tremendous steak business … We buy a lot of steaks from different places. I don’t want to buy, if I’m in California, I don’t want to buy my steaks from New York. We have different suppliers. We sell the steaks – and largely to our hotels and our clubs and things like that. It’s a small business. 

Purim Shpiel: The use of satire or humour in publishing a “fake” newspaper article, blog post, etc. Happy Purim!

This interview has been edited, condensed, sliced, diced and sautéed for maximum shock value (but not clarity, because this is Trump in his own words).